Friday, July 23, 2010

Israel: The Last Bastion Of Democracy and Human-Rights

An Arab-Israeli guy was recently sentenced to 18 months in jail for “deceit rape". Deceit rape is not the normal kind of rape, it’s consensual. So why the jail sentence? Well, he fibbed. More precisely, ‘fibbed while Arab.’

The dude told a Jewish-Israeli woman that he was Jewish. At this point she might have decided she wanted him ‘real bad’ and they proceeded to a nearby building to do the deed. Imagine her horror when she later found out that the guy she had just had all over her, to put it mildly, was *Arab*. Oh no! Disaster!

The vengeful asshole was so distraught, she decided to file charges to try get him a nice little prison sentence. The court was equally shocked and agreed with her. In its
ruling the court decided, “the court must protect the public interest against sophisticated criminals with a smooth tongue and sweet talking, who can lead astray innocent victims." (So that's what a ‘smooth criminal’ is!)

The court reasoned that since the man wouldn’t have gotten any action, if not for his lie, he had actually raped the woman.

NEW YORK - APRIL 25:  Producer Jamin O'Brien attends the after party for the 'Handsome Harry' screening at the Gates on April 25, 2009 in New York City.  (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

See this innocent looking Israeli man? Beware! He could be a 'lying',
'conniving' Arab

In his defense the guy, Sabbar Kashur, pleaded that he never actually stated that he was Jewish, but rather, the woman made assumptions from his nickname, Dudu, which is more commonly used by Jewish men.

The most interesting aspect of this case is that it might have a few inadvertent implications:

• Any Israeli geriatric, who dyes his/her hair, might be in trouble. How is the poor person to know that the real colour of your hair is white or maybe even salt and pepper. *shock*

• I am guessing that, now, adultery might all of a sudden have become illegal in Israel. In this, Israel will be taking cue from some of its more radically stringent neighbors.

• Women with any sort of implants in the key areas might also be in trouble. Imagine the poor lad’s shock, if, after coitus, he finds out that he has been had. Rape!

This might also lead to bizarre scenarios where women would have to make the requisite declarations before proceeding forward. “Now I have to warn you, by law, that what you see is, technically, not what you get.”

• Men who are prone to exaggerating the size of their warriors might be in for it. Hell hath no fury like a disappointed Israeli woman. Same goes for those Israelis who like to boast that they have mastered complicated moves such as the reverse pile-driver. If you say you have, then you better have it down to an art form. And make sure your friend doesn’t have outrageously high standards.

• Israeli men and women might also need to start declaring their entire complicated blood-lines. He/She might not want to sleep with the 1/5th Mongolian you have in you. Make sure to account for all latent prejudices.

• Israeli bachelors and bachelorettes might need to start listing any medical procedures they have had done. “I have a metal plate in my leg, had hair-replacement done......oh, and one of my molars was filled-in.” Actually, it might be a better idea for Israelis to start carrying medical-history cards in their wallets. Maybe bank-statements too, lest that Primark suit is confused for a Brioni.

There are so many pitfalls that there is a vicious rumour doing the rounds that Israeli success rate has dropped by 99%.

One thing I do want to know is: is there a pecking order in Israel? If your crime is especially egregious, say you have some Muslim Eskimo in you, could you get more than 18 months. I am just guessing; I have no idea which race the Israeli justice system finds most repulsive.

Also, I want to know what the different jail sentences would be for the crimes described above. What happens if the deception is more minor? For example, letting her believe the rental is really yours. Would you only get community service? “Yeah, that car is mine!” Next thing, the city is making you pick up trash.

In related news, the Israeli city of Petah Tikva has decided to send psychologists to the homes of Jewish women dating Arab men, to “rescue” them. Apparently, the culprits are Russian women, who migrated to Israel more recently, after the break-up of the USSR. These women don’t really mind relationships with Arab-Israeli men because they “did not undergo the religious and Zionist education” that more settled Israeli families have gone through. Follow the
link to read many more interesting tidbits.

Miss USA 2009, Kristen Dalton unveils Miss USA Couture Pop at Sugar Factory in Planet Hollywood on May 6, 2010 in Las Vegas, NV (photo by: Steve Taylor/ Meet The Famous). Photo via Newscom
An Israeli definition of jailbait? (Risque, I know)

But, there is a bright side to everything; this last-straw could mean that the Arab-Israeli frustration might be compounded to new unprecedented levels and they might knock us, Pakistanis, off the
top spot for ‘Google searches for Camel Sex.'

Anyways, it’s nice to see that Israeli courts have decided to enshrine racism in to the legal framework. As the days pass by, they look more and more like the neighbours they decry. ‘We are located in a tough neighborhood,’ my ass. Unsurprisingly, this news has got hardly any of the attention and scrutiny that the global media gives to draconian legal rulings by the Israelis’ ‘fundamentalist’ counterparts. I know no limbs are being chopped off, but still, is institutional racism - and the jail sentences borne out of it - not worthy of any attention? Especially for a nation that promotes itself as the bastion of democracy and human-rights in the Middle East. Well, I guess Rupert Murdoch has an agenda to promote, let’s leave him to it.

P.S. I just wanted to note that the guy committed his ‘crime’ in 2008, and has already spent two years under house-arrest. Now that the court verdict has been decided, he will have to spend an additional 18 months in jail.

First Post! Booyaa!

I want to dedicate this blog to all the commenters on CafĂ© Payala who found humor in my trolling flame-war, in the comments section, of the‘Mathira’ blog post. Especially Ahsan Butt, of Five Rupees blog fame, whose blog I recently started reading, and have become a big fan-boy of.

I had thought about starting a blog before but never knew anything about blogging, what I could possibly write about and whether anyone would even read. I still don’t have much to write about so I can’t guarantee frequent posts, but hopefully, I will stick to it.

Well, I have hastily prepared a blog and a blog entry, so for your reading pleasure I paish: “Israel: the last bastion of democracy and human-rights”